This Week In Vampires (and what to expect.)

I have, of course, heard of a thing called “Twilight”.  Long, poorly written story short, it’s a book series about a teenager who finds true love with a sparkly Cedric Diggory, whom she dutifully marries after a brief courtship, after which she promptly pops out a precocious baby. Fufilling what is expected of her in life as the weaker sex, she then self-destructs. Written in 1819, it–

Wait, 2005? Really? Well, I-I just.


As can be expected with any cult phenomenon, there have arisen loyal and often irritatingly intense fans of the books and films. For the more part these fans consist of teenage girls, (which the series is marketed to,) and older lonely house wives women of a tolerant literary taste,(which is my polite way of saying ‘bitch-pick-up-a-real-book’) Even more irritating then the fan base, in my most humble of opinions, is the group that take the opposite stand; the   anti-fans of Twilight; declaring on the shifting sands of internet forums  that the series, and all who enjoy it, are a sign of sorts that a bar has been lowered; that in some way, the culture and history of vampires is being insulted; the sparkling in the day light, the 106-year old stalking a highschool girl has taken away the dignity of the legendary Vampyre.* With “This week in Vampires”, I’m here to show you that there is, and has been, no dignity or respect when it comes to Vampires; while I will never call what Stephanie Meyer writes anything other then airplane toilet paper for your brain, I will demonstrate  that there are many, many Vampire stories out there that are even more of a cock-slap in the face of literature then the air brushed, hair gel commercial that is the Twilight series.


Good thing you didn’t have a job to quit to care for your bouncing baby photoshop.

* Other heavy criticisms of the series is it’s message to young girls. I’m well aware of the misogyny of the series; let’s just concentrate on the hokey vampires, people.

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